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Here is the whisper in the night, the creak upstairs, that half-remembered ghost story that won't let you sleep, the sound that raises gooseflesh, the wish you'd checked the lock on the door before it got really, really dark. Here are tales of suspense and the supernatural that will chill, amuse, and exhilarate...

This story can be found in the collection The People in the Castle: Selected Strange Stories (2016).

Read the full story for free at Tor.com.

It was no secret that journalist Jack Sparks had been researching the occult for his new book. No stranger to controversy, he'd already triggered a furious Twitter storm by mocking an exorcism he witnessed.

Then there was that video: forty seconds of chilling footage that Jack repeatedly claimed was not of his making, yet was posted from his own YouTube account.

Nobody knew what happened to Jack in the days that followed - until now.

From the publisher of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies comes a new tale of romance, heartbreak, and tentacled mayhem.

Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters expands the original text of the beloved Jane Austen novel with all-new scenes of giant lobsters, rampaging octopi, two-headed sea serpents, and other biological monstrosities. As our story opens, the Dashwood sisters are evicted from their childhood home and sent to live on a mysterious island full of savage creatures and dark secrets. While sensible Elinor falls in love with Edward Ferrars, her romantic sister Marianne is courted by both the handsome Willoughby and the hideous man-monster Colonel Brandon.

Can the Dashwood sisters triumph over meddlesome matriarchs and unscrupulous rogues to find true love? Or will they fall prey to the tentacles that are forever snapping at their heels?

This masterful portrait of Regency England blends Jane Austen's biting social commentary with ultraviolent depictions of sea monsters biting. It's survival of the fittest--and only the swiftest swimmers will find true love!

Seventeen-year-old Catherine Morland is one of ten children of a country clergyman. Although a tomboy in her childhood, by the age of 17 she is "in training for a heroine" and is excessively fond of reading Gothic novels, among which Ann Radcliffe's Mysteries of Udolpho is a favourite.

When Catherine Moorland is asked to go to Bath, she is immersed in the world of attentive men and elaborate balls. But when one of her suitors takes her to his family estate, Northanger Abbey, she becomes lost in the gothic mystery which surrounds it.

Besides exploring social and romantic themes, it also satirised the excesses of the 'gothic' novels that were popular at the time. In this context the famous horror writer H.P. Lovecraft described it as a "merited rebuke to a school which had sunk far towards absurdity".

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains."

So begins Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, an expanded edition of the beloved Jane Austen novel featuring all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie mayhem. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton—and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers—and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield. Can Elizabeth vanquish the spawn of Satan? And overcome the social prejudices of the class-conscious landed gentry? Complete with romance, heartbreak, swordfights, cannibalism, and thousands of rotting corpses, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies transforms a masterpiece of world literature into something you'd actually want to read.

Samantha Heather Mackey couldn't be more of an outsider in her small, highly selective MFA program at New England's Warren University. A scholarship student who prefers the company of her dark imagination to that of most people, she is utterly repelled by the rest of her fiction writing cohort--a clique of unbearably twee rich girls who call each other "Bunny," and seem to move and speak as one.

But everything changes when Samantha receives an invitation to the Bunnies' fabled "Smut Salon," and finds herself inexplicably drawn to their front door--ditching her only friend, Ava, in the process. As Samantha plunges deeper and deeper into the Bunnies' sinister yet saccharine world, beginning to take part in the ritualistic off-campus "Workshop" where they conjure their monstrous creations, the edges of reality begin to blur. Soon, her friendships with Ava and the Bunnies will be brought into deadly collision.

The spellbinding new novel from one of our most fearless chroniclers of the female experience, Bunny is a down-the-rabbit-hole tale of loneliness and belonging, friendship and desire, and the fantastic and terrible power of the imagination.

The Powell family has almost given up on finding an affordable New England house to rent for the summer when the agent shows them the old Twitchell place, offered at a suspiciously low price. What everyone in town -- except the Powells -- knows is that the place has been haunted ever since cantankerous sea captain Ebenezer Twitchell murdered his wife and mistress and hid their bodies in the cellar.

At first the ghosts aren't too much of a problem, although the flying dishes and blood-dripping walls are a bit of a nuisance. But when old Uncle George arrives for a visit and the ghosts sink his boat, it becomes clear their intentions are murderous and that the Powells' relaxing summer vacation has turned into a terrible nightmare....

You're an underpaid civil servant who dreams of chucking it all to become a famous author. You live with your overbearing mother who always seems to interrupt when you're writing a key scene. Your imagination is dark, your inspiration the terrible things that happen to can happen to a young woman traveling alone....

Your terrifying short story about a horrible murder on an underground train is to be published. Even better, it will be made into a movie. A pretty young journalist is pursuing you.

Except.

You've been fired.

The journalist wants an interview, not a date.

The film's director wants you to make a few changes in your story.

And, worst of all, your imagination has run dry.

You'll just have to kill someone new...

Keisha Lewis mourned the loss of her wife, Alice, who disappeared two years ago. There was a search, there was grief beyond what she thought was possible. There was a funeral.

But then Keisha began to see her wife, again and again, in the background of news reports from all over America.

Alice isn't dead. And she is showing up at the scene of every tragedy in the country.

Keisha shrugs off her old life and hits the road as a trucker - hoping on some level that travelling the length of the country will lead her to the person she loves.

What she finds are buried crimes and monsters (both human and unimaginable), government conspiracies, haunted service stations and a darkness far older than the highway system it lies beneath.

Inspired by the eponymous podcast, Alice Isn't Dead is a story about loving, about searching - and about the courage you need when what you find is terrifyingly unexpected.

Hugo Award nominated short story.

Enn is a sixteen-year-old boy who just doesn't understand girls, while his friend Vic seems to have them all figured out. Both teenagers are in for the shock of their young lives, however, when they crash a local party only to discover that the girls there are far, far more than they appear!

The story originally appeared in the collection Fragile Things (2006) and was reprinted in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, January 2007. It can also be found in the anthologies The Best Science Fiction and Fantasy of the Year Volume One (2007), edited by Jonathan Strahan and Alien Contact (2012), edited by Marty Halpern. The story is included in the collection M Is for Magic (2007).

Read the full story for free at the author's website.

Short story originally published in Dagon #16, 1987. Full title of the story is: I, Cthulhu, or, What's A Tentacle-Faced Thing Like Me Doing In A Sunken City Like This (Latitude 47° 9' S, Longitude 126° 43' W)?

Read the full story for free at Tor.com.

The Ultimate List of Must-Read Horror! Curious readers and fans of monsters and the macabre, get ready to bulk up your TBR piles! Sadie "Mother Horror" Hartmann has curated the best selection of modern horror books, including plenty of deep cuts. Indulge your heart's darkest desires to be terrified, unsettled, disgusted, and heartbroken with stories that span everything from paranormal hauntings and creepy death cults to small-town terrors and apocalyptic disasters. Each recommendation includes a full synopsis as well as a quick overview of the book's themes, style, and tone so you can narrow down your next read at a glance.

Featuring a foreword by New York Times bestselling author Josh Malerman and five brand-new essays from rising voices in the genre, this illustrated reader's guide is perfect for anyone who dares to delve into the dark.

A missing God. A library with the secrets to the universe. A woman too busy to notice her heart slipping away.

Carolyn's not so different from the other people around her. She likes guacamole and cigarettes and steak. She knows how to use a phone. Clothes are a bit tricky, but everyone says nice things about her outfit with the Christmas sweater over the gold bicycle shorts.

After all, she was a normal American herself once.

That was a long time ago, of course. Before her parents died. Before she and the others were taken in by the man they called Father.

In the years since then, Carolyn hasn't had a chance to get out much. Instead, she and her adopted siblings have been raised according to Father's ancient customs. They've studied the books in his Library and learned some of the secrets of his power. And sometimes, they've wondered if their cruel tutor might secretly be God.

Now, Father is missing--perhaps even dead--and the Library that holds his secrets stands unguarded. And with it, control over all of creation.

As Carolyn gathers the tools she needs for the battle to come, fierce competitors for this prize align against her, all of them with powers that far exceed her own.

But Carolyn has accounted for this.

And Carolyn has a plan.

The only trouble is that in the war to make a new God, she's forgotten to protect the things that make her human.

Populated by an unforgettable cast of characters and propelled by a plot that will shock you again and again, The Library at Mount Char is at once horrifying and hilarious, mind-blowingly alien and heartbreakingly human, sweepingly visionary and nail-bitingly thrilling--and signals the arrival of a major new voice in fantasy.

Something strange is happening at the Orsk furniture superstore in Cleveland, Ohio. Every morning, employees arrive to find broken Kjerring bookshelves, shattered Glans water goblets, and smashed Liripip wardrobes. Sales are down, security cameras reveal nothing, and store managers are panicking.

To unravel the mystery, three employees volunteer to work a nine-hour dusk-till-dawn shift. In the dead of the night, they'll patrol the empty showroom floor, investigate strange sights and sounds, and encounter horrors that defy the imagination.

A traditional haunted house story in a thoroughly contemporary setting, Horrorstör comes packaged in the form of a glossy mail order catalog, complete with product illustrations, a home delivery order form, and a map of Orsk's labyrinthine showroom. It's "a treat for fans of The Evil Dead or Zombieland, complete with affordable solutions for better living."--Kirkus Reviews.

A new novel that explores the way your past--and your family--can haunt you like nothing else...

When Louise finds out her parents have died, she dreads going home. She doesn't want to leave her daughter with her ex and fly to Charleston. She doesn't want to deal with her family home, stuffed to the rafters with the remnants of her father's academic career and her mother's lifelong obsession with puppets and dolls. She doesn't want to learn how to live without the two people who knew and loved her best in the world.

Most of all, she doesn't want to deal with her brother, Mark, who never left their hometown, gets fired from one job after another, and resents her success. Unfortunately, she'll need his help to get the house ready for sale because it'll take more than some new paint on the walls and clearing out a lifetime of memories to get this place on the market.

But some houses don't want to be sold, and their home has other plans for both of them...

The year is 1988. High school sophomores Abby and Gretchen have been best friends since fourth grade. But after an evening of skinny-dipping goes disastrously wrong, Gretchen begins to act... different. She's moody. She's irritable. And bizarre incidents keep happening whenever she's nearby. Abby's investigation leads her to some startling discoveries--and by the time their story reaches its terrifying conclusion, the fate of Abby and Gretchen will be determined by a single question: Is their friendship powerful enough to beat the devil?

Patricia Campbell's life has never felt smaller. Her ambitious husband is too busy to kiss her good-bye in the morning, her kids are wrapped up in their own lives, and she's always a step behind on thank-you notes and endless chores. The one thing she has to look forward to is her book club, a close-knit group of Charleston women united by their love of true crime and suspenseful fiction.

This predictable pattern is upended when Patricia is viciously attacked by an elderly neighbor, bringing the neighbor's handsome relative, James Harris, into her life. Sensitive and well-read, James makes Patricia feel things she hasn't felt in twenty years. But there's something... off... and then Patricia's senile mother-in-law insists she knew him back when she was a girl.

When local children go missing, Patricia has reason to believe that James may be more Bundy than Beatnik. But once she and the book club members investigate further, the true monster emerges--and he's far more terrifying than any serial killer they've ever read about.

"Irish" is a bellhop at the Burton Hotel in New York whose curiosity continually lands him in the maximum amount of trouble. When the evil and exotic looking ghoul checks in at The Burton and Irish delivers a large chest seeming to contain nothing but air to this foul looking stranger's room, the inquisitive Irish begins searching for answers and lands himself in mishap after mishap in order to free himself from the power of supernatural forces.

As they relax after dinner on Christmas Eve, the members of a family and their guests turn to telling ghost stories. These ghoulish accounts range from the melancholy to the macabre, and get increasingly bizarre as the ghosts leap out of the tales and make an appearance in the family's home. Fact and fiction, the real and unreal collide, until the reader is not sure who is haunting whom.

A masterful work of comic horror, Jerome K. Jerome's After-Supper Ghost Stories is a witty look at why Christmas Eve is so perfect for ghost stories and why ghosts love the Yuletide season.

A spellbinding and darkly humorous coming-of-age story about an unusual boy, whose family lives on the fringe of society and struggles to survive in a hostile world that shuns and fears them.

He was born an outsider, like the rest of his family. Poor yet resilient, he lives in the shadows with his aunt Libby and uncle Darren, folk who stubbornly make their way in a society that does not understand or want them. They are mongrels, mixed blood, neither this nor that. The boy at the center of Mongrels must decide if he belongs on the road with his aunt and uncle, or if he fits with the people on the other side of the tracks.

For ten years, he and his family have lived a life of late-night exits and narrow escapes--always on the move across the South to stay one step ahead of the law. But the time is drawing near when Darren and Libby will finally know if their nephew is like them or not. And the close calls they've been running from for so long are catching up fast now. Everything is about to change.

A compelling and fascinating journey, Mongrels alternates between past and present to create an unforgettable portrait of a boy trying to understand his family and his place in a complex and unforgiving world. A smart and innovative story--funny, bloody, raw, and real--told in a rhythmic voice full of heart, Mongrels is a deeply moving, sometimes grisly, novel that illuminates the challenges and tender joys of a life beyond the ordinary in a bold and imaginative new way.

This is one family getaway they'll never forget...

Leigh Somerset wants to spend some quality time with her kids before they grow up, and her husband has always fancied himself sort of a Clark Griswold figure. So the Somersets will be spending their family vacation on the road, driving from suburban Milwaukee to Orlando, Florida. Already off to a rocky start, they stumble upon an abandoned, half-burned down farmhouse in Indiana, and the Somersets inadvertently unleash an eerie history that will follow them the rest of their trip.

From creepy indoor waterparks to paranormally plagued Cracker Barrels, it's one thing after another in the pursuit of the great American summer road trip. Will the Somersets be able to shake these bad vibes and get on with the family bonding? Or will the road less traveled quite literally become the highway to hell?

A Chicago cul-de-sac is about to get a new neighbor... of the demonic kind.

Amy Foster considers herself lucky. After she left the city and moved to the suburbs, she found her place quickly with neighbors Liz, Jess, and Melissa, snarking together from the outskirts of the PTA crowd. One night during their monthly wine get-together, the crew concoct a plan for a clubhouse She Shed in Liz's backyard - a space for just them, no spouses or kids allowed.

But the night after they christen the She Shed, things start to feel... off. They didn't expect Liz's little home-improvement project to release a demonic force that turns their quiet enclave into something out of a nightmare. And that's before the homeowners' association gets wind of it.

Even the calmest moms can't justify the strange burn marks, self-moving dolls, and horrible smells surrounding their possessed friend, Liz. Together, Amy, Jess, and Melissa must fight the evil spirit to save Liz and the neighborhood... before the suburbs go completely to hell.

No more than a dark pencil line on a blank page. A horizon line, maybe. But also a slot for blackness to pour through...

A terrible construction site accident takes Edgar Freemantle's right arm and scrambles his memory and his mind, leaving him with little but rage as he begins the ordeal of rehabilitation. A marriage that produced two lovely daughters suddenly ends, and Edgar begins to wish he hadn't survived the injuries that could have killed him. He wants out. His psychologist, Dr. Kamen, suggests a "geographic cure," a new life distant from the Twin Cities and the building business Edgar grew from scratch. And Kamen suggests something else.

"Edgar, does anything make you happy?"

"I used to sketch."

"Take it up again. You need hedges... hedges against the night."

Edgar leaves Minnesota for a rented house on Duma Key, a stunningly beautiful, eerily undeveloped splinter of the Florida coast. The sun setting into the Gulf of Mexico and the tidal rattling of shells on the beach call out to him, and Edgar draws. A visit from Ilse, the daughter he dotes on, starts his movement out of solitude. He meets a kindred spirit in Wireman, a man reluctant to reveal his own wounds, and then Elizabeth Eastlake, a sick old woman whose roots are tangled deep in Duma Key. Now Edgar paints, sometimes feverishly, his exploding talent both a wonder and a weapon. Many of his paintings have a power that cannot be controlled. When Elizabeth's past unfolds and the ghosts of her childhood begin to appear, the damage of which they are capable is truly devastating. The tenacity of love, the perils of creativity, the mysteries of memory and the nature of the supernatural -- Stephen King gives us a novel as fascinating as it is gripping and terrifying.

The first collection of stories Stephen King has published since Nightmares & Dreamscapes nine years ago, Everything's Eventual includes one O. Henry Prize winner, two other award winners, four stories published by The New Yorker, and "Riding the Bullet," King's original e-book, which attracted over half a million online readers and became the most famous short story of the decade.

"Riding the Bullet," published here on paper for the first time, is the story of Alan Parker, who's hitchhiking to see his dying mother but takes the wrong ride, farther than he ever intended. In "Lunch at the Gotham Café," a sparring couple's contentious lunch turns very, very bloody when the maître d' gets out of sorts. "1408," the audio story in print for the first time, is about a successful writer whose specialty is "Ten Nights in Ten Haunted Graveyards" or "Ten Nights in Ten Haunted Houses," and though Room 1408 at the Dolphin Hotel doesn't kill him, he won't be writing about ghosts anymore. And in "That Feeling, You Can Only Say What It Is In French," terror is déjà vu at 16,000 feet.

Whether writing about encounters with the dead, the near dead, or about the mundane dreads of life, from quitting smoking to yard sales, Stephen King is at the top of his form in the fourteen dark tales assembled in Everything's Eventual. Intense, eerie, and instantly com-pelling, they announce the stunningly fertile imagination of perhaps the greatest storyteller of our time.

Table of Contents:

• "Autopsy Room Four"
• "The Man in the Black Suit"
• "All That You Love Will Be Carried Away"
• "The Death of Jack Hamilton"
• "In the Deathroom"
• "The Little Sisters of Eluria"
• "Everything's Eventual"
• "L. T.'s Theory of Pets"
• "The Road Virus Heads North"
• "Lunch at the Gotham Café"
• "That Feeling, You Can Only Say What It Is in French"
• "1408"
• "Riding the Bullet"
• "Luckey Quarter

...Tommyknockers, tommyknockers, knocking at the door.

Something was happening in Bobbi Anderson's idyllic small town of Haven, Maine. Something that gave every man, woman, and child in town powers far beyond ordinary mortals. Something that turned the town into a death trap for all outsiders. Something that came from a metal object, buried for millennia, that Bobbi stumbled across.

It wasn't that Bobbi and the other good folks of Haven had sold their souls to reap the rewards of the most deadly evil this side of hell. It was more like a diabolical takeover... and invasion of body and soul--and mind.

On a cold winter's evening in 1987, six middle-school paperboys wander an unfamiliar Milwaukee neighborhood, selling newspaper subscriptions, fueled by their manager Kevin's promises of cash bonuses and dinner at Burger King. But the freaks come out at night in Hampton Heights. Sent out into the neighborhood in pairs, the boys will encounter a host of primordial monsters - and triumph over them.

Sigmone, who is bussed to a white school, is stuck with Joel, a white kid who idolizes Black culture. Mark, who's wrestling with his sexuality, joins his secret crush, Ryan. Nishu and Al are outsiders; one is a second-generation immigrant, the other a poor kid in a rich school. Over the course of one eventful evening, the three pairs will encounter the wild things of Hampton Heights - werewolves, witches with a centuries-old story to tell, and a creepy, ancient monster who feeds on memories. Meanwhile, Kevin is having an adventure of his own, seducing a beautiful woman in the neighborhood's tavern... but who is actually in control?

Benny is so nice they feel compelled to destroy him, but he has a friend who should scare the hell out of them.

Benny Catspaw's perpetually sunny disposition is tested when he loses his job, his reputation, his fiancée, and his favorite chair. He's not paranoid. Someone is out to get him. He just doesn't know who or why. Then Benny receives an inheritance from an uncle he's never heard of: a giant crate and a video message. All will be well in time.

How strange - though it's a blessing, his uncle promises. Stranger yet is what's inside the crate. He's a seven-foot-tall self-described "bad weather friend" named Spike whose mission is to help people who are just too good for this world. Spike will take care of it. He'll find Benny's enemies. He'll deal with them. This might be satisfying if Spike wasn't such a menacing presence with terrifying techniques of intimidation.

In the company of Spike and a fascinated young waitress-and PI-in-training named Harper, Benny plunges into a perilous high-speed adventure, the likes of which never would have crossed the mind of a decent guy like him.

Ricky Rice is a middling hustler with a lingering junk habit, a bum knee, and a haunted mind. A survivor of a suicide cult, he scrapes by as a porter at a bus depot in Utica, New York, until one day a mysterious letter arrives, summoning him to enlist in a band of paranormal investigators comprised of former addicts and petty criminals, all of whom had at some point in their wasted lives heard what may have been the voice of God.

Infused with the wonder of a disquieting dream and laced with Victor LaValle's fiendish comic sensibility, Big Machine is a mind-rattling mystery about doubt, faith, and the monsters we carry within us.

Locus Award winning and Hugo and Nebula Award nominated short story. It originally appeared in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, July 1983. The story can also be found in the anthology The Year's Best Science Fiction: First Annual Collection (1984), edited by Gardner Dozois. It is included in the collections Songs the Dead Men Sing (1983) and GRRM: A RRetrospective (2003).

An Unattractive Vampire, is a darkly comic urban fantasy of ancient horrors in suburban cities.

After three centuries trapped underground, thousand-year-old Yulric Bile - also known as the Curséd One, the Devil's Apprentice, He Who Worships the Slumbering Horrors - awakens only to find that no one believes he is a vampire. Apparently he's just too ugly - modern vampires, he soon discovers, are pretty, weak, and, most disturbing of all, good. Determined to reestablish his bloodstained reign, Yulric sets out to correct this disgusting turn of events or, at the very least, murder the person responsible. With the help of pert vampire-wannabe Amanda; Simon, the eight-year-old reincarnation of his greatest foe; and a cadre of ancient and ugly horrors, Yulric prepares to battle the glamorous undead. But who will win the right to determine, once and for all, what it truly means to be a vampire?

Ronald T. Turner is prepared for anything. And the zombies are prepared for him.

Read the full story for free at Tor.com.

Haunted is a novel made up of twenty-three horrifying, hilarious, and stomach-churning stories. They're told by people who have answered an ad for a writer's retreat and unwittingly joined a "Survivor"-like scenario where the host withholds heat, power, and food. As the storytellers grow more desperate, their tales become more extreme, and they ruthlessly plot to make themselves the hero of the reality show that will surely be made from their plight. This is one of the most disturbing and outrageous books you'll ever read, one that could only come from the mind of Chuck Palahniuk.

Ever heard of a culling song? It's a lullaby sung in Africa to give a painless death to the old or infirm. The lyrics of a culling song kill, whether spoken or even just thought. You can find one on page 27 of Poems and Rhymes from Around the World, an anthology that is sitting on the shelves of libraries across the country, waiting to be picked up by unsuspecting readers.

Reporter Carl Streator discovers the song's lethal nature while researching Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, and before he knows it, he's reciting the poem to anyone who bothers him. As the body count rises, Streator glimpses the potential catastrophe if someone truly malicious finds out about the song. The only answer is to find and destroy every copy of the book in the country. Accompanied by a shady real-estate agent, her Wiccan assistant, and the assistant's truly annoying ecoterrorist boyfriend, Streator begins a desperate cross-country quest to put the culling song to rest.

Written with a style and imagination that could only come from Chuck Palahniuk, Lullaby is the latest outrage from one of our most exciting writers at work today.

A brilliantly outrageous riff on Mary Shelley's classic story of Frankenstein. After inheriting his grandfather's castle in Transylvania, young Dr. Frankenstein follows in his ancestor's freaky footsteps as he sets out to reanimate a dead body.

Novelization of the movie

How scared can you get in only 30 seconds? Dare to find out with Half-Minute Horrors, a collection of deliciously terrifying short short tales and creepy illustrations by an exceptional selection of writers and illustrators, including bestselling talents Lemony Snicket, James Patterson, Neil Gaiman, R.L.Stine, Faye Kellerman, Holly Black, Melissa Marr, Margaret Atwood, Jon Scieszka, Brett Helquist, and many more. With royalties benefiting First Book, a not-for-profit organization that brings books to children in need, this is an anthology worth devouring. So grab a flashlight, set the timer, and get ready for instant chills!

CAN DEATH AND MURDER BE FUNNY?

"Hinchley & Trumbull Funeral Parlor"

Read the sign. And what can the owner of such an establishment do to increase business? Why, furnish his own corpses of course, even if it meant his own...

This is the story of story of a meat-eating plant named Max and his mad doctor keeper. Eating humans is nice, but after a while it starts to get old. However, with the arrival of a new female neighbor, Max's malaise may finally be over...

This story was originally published in the Christopher Golden anthology The Monster's Corner: Stories Through Inhuman Eyes (2011).

Read the full story for free at Tor.com.

Samantha Montgomery pulls into the driveway of her family home to find a massive black vulture perched on the mailbox, staring at the house.

Inside, everything has changed. Gone is the eclectic warmth Sam expects; instead the walls are a sterile white. Now, it's very important to say grace before dinner, and her mother won't hear a word against Sam's long-dead and little-missed grandmother, who was the first to put down roots in this small southern town.

The longer Sam stays, the stranger things get. And every day, more vultures circle overhead...

This is Oscar Wilde's tale of the American family moved into a British mansion, Canterville Chase, much to the annoyance its tired ghost. The family -- which refuses to believe in him -- is in Wilde's way a commentary on the British nobility of the day -- and on the Americans, too. The tale, like many of Wilde's, is rich with allusion, but ends as sentimental romance...

Geek Love is the story of the Binewskis, a carny family whose mater- and paterfamilias set out–with the help of amphetamine, arsenic, and radioisotopes–to breed their own exhibit of human oddities. There’s Arturo the Aquaboy, who has flippers for limbs and a megalomaniac ambition worthy of Genghis Khan . . . Iphy and Elly, the lissome Siamese twins . . . albino hunchback Oly, and the outwardly normal Chick, whose mysterious gifts make him the family’s most precious–and dangerous–asset. 

As the Binewskis take their act across the backwaters of the U.S., inspiring fanatical devotion and murderous revulsion; as its members conduct their own Machiavellian version of sibling rivalry, Geek Love throws its sulfurous light on our notions of the freakish and the normal, the beautiful and the ugly, the holy and the obscene. Family values will never be the same.

Your life is no longer recognizable, every detail corrupted by unknown forces. The harder you struggle, the more you suffer. Your words mean nothing, your actions backfire, and one by one everybody you know is sucked down with you. You are: 1) Nick 2) cursed 3) afraid all the time That's because: a) someone or b) something is after you with a vengeance. Even with the help of other cursed people, you don't stand a chance because you're all, you know, cursed. That means you and everyone you know will: 1) suffer 2) die 3) amuse your tormentor That is, unless you figure out how to manipulate the person behind this and turn their power against them. Check your list a second time because they're probably on it. The only thing left to do is scratch them off.

This novelette originally appeared in two installments in audio format at Drablecast, Augusts/September 2012. It can also be found in the anthologies The Year's Best Science Fiction: Thirtieth Annual Collection (2013), edited by Gardner Dozois, and New Cthulhu 2: More Recent Weird (2015), edited by Paula Guran.

Listen to the full story for free at Drabblecast - Part 1 - Part 2.

Daniel Carter used to be a homicide detective, but his last case-the hunt for a serial killer-went wrong in strange ways and soured the job for him. Now he's a private investigator trying to live a quiet life. Strangeness, however, has not finished with him. First he inherits a bookstore in Providence from someone he's never heard of, along with an indignant bookseller who doesn't want a new boss. She's Emily Lovecraft, the last known descendant of H.P. Lovecraft, the writer from Providence who told tales of the Great Old Ones and the Elder Gods, creatures and entities beyond the understanding of man. Then people start dying in impossible ways, and while Carter doesn't want to be involved, he's beginning to suspect that someone else wants him to be. As he reluctantly investigates, he discovers that Lovecraft's tales were more than just fiction, and he must accept another unexpected, and far more unwanted inheritance.

From the author of Fight Club, comes a dark, irreverent, hilarious, and brilliant satire about adolescence, Hell, and the Devil.

Madison is the thirteen-year-old daughter of a narcissistic film star and a billionaire. Abandoned at her Swiss boarding school over Christmas, she dies over the holiday, presumably of a marijuana overdose. The last thing she remembers is getting into a town car and falling asleep. Then she's waking up in Hell. Literally. Madison soon finds that she shares a cell with a motley crew of young sinners: a cheerleader, a jock, a nerd, and a punk rocker, united by their doomed fate, like an afterschool detention for the damned. Together they form an odd coalition and march across the unspeakable landscape of Hell--full of used diapers, dandruff, WiFi blackout spots, evil historical figures, and one horrific call center--to confront the Devil himself.

When a group of friends decided to spend a day at the world's largest Drive-In theater horror fest, they expected to see tons of bloody murders, rampaging madmen, and mayhem - but only on the screen. As a mysterious force traps all the patrons inside the Drive-In, the worst in humanity comes out.

Filled with Lansdale's razor whit and black humor, The Drive-In is a darkly humorous masterpiece! Collected here is the complete four issue series with bonus material including a new interview with Lansdale himself about the writing of The Drive-In.

Fortitude Scott's life is a mess. A degree in film theory has left him with zero marketable skills, his job revolves around pouring coffee, his roommate hasn't paid rent in four months, and he's also a vampire. Well, sort of. He's still mostly human.

But when a new vampire comes into his family's territory and young girls start going missing, Fort can't ignore his heritage anymore. His mother and his older, stronger siblings think he's crazy for wanting to get involved. So it's up to Fort to take action, with the assistance of Suzume Hollis, a dangerous and sexy shape-shifter. Fort is determined to find a way to outsmart the deadly vamp, even if he isn't quite sure how.

But without having matured into full vampirehood and with Suzume ready to split if things get too risky, Fort's rescue mission might just kill him....

A small town is besieged by some furry and not-so-cute little creatures after a young man ignores the warnings of a wise elder regarding their care and feeding.

Sweethearts Billy and Kate leave Kingston Falls for the big city where they meet up once again with their Mogwai friend, Gizmo.

Ishmael Jones travels to the Scottish Highlands on a mysterious dual mission in this intriguing, genre-blending mystery.

The Organisation has despatched Ishmael and his partner Penny to Coronach House on the shores of Loch Ness where the secretive but highly influential Baphamet Group are holding their annual meeting. The Organisation believes an imposter has infiltrated the Group and they have instructed Ishmael to root him--or her--out. It's not Ishmael's only mission. The first agent sent by the Organisation has been found dead in her room, murdered in a horribly gruesome manner. Ishmael must also discover who killed his fellow agent, Jennifer Rifkin--and why.

Dismissive of rumours that the legendary 'Coronach Creature' is behind Jennifer's death, Ishmael sets out to expose the human killer in their midst. But he must act fast--before any more Very Important People are killed.

killed a demon. I don't know if it was really, technically a demon, but I do know that he was some kind of monster, with fangs and claws and the whole bit, and he killed a lot of people. So I killed him. I think it was the right thing to do. At least the killing stopped.

Well, it stopped for a while.

In I Am Not a Serial Killer, John Wayne Cleaver saved his town from a murderer even more appalling than the serial killers he obsessively studies.

But it turns out even demons have friends, and the disappearance of one has brought another to Clayton County. Soon there are new victims for John to work on at the mortuary and a new mystery to solve. But John has tasted death, and the dark nature he used as a weapon---the terrifying persona he calls "Mr. Monster"---might now be using him.

No one in Clayton is safe unless John can vanquish two nightmarish adversaries: the unknown demon he must hunt and the inner demon he can never escape.

In this sequel to his brilliant debut, Dan Wells ups the ante with a thriller that is just as gripping and even more intense. He apologizes in advance for the nightmares.

STOP. You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands. NO, don't put it down. It's too late. They're watching you. My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're under the eye. The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why? You just have to trust me.

The important thing is this: The drug is called Soy Sauce and it gives users a window into another dimension. John and I never had the chance to say no. You still do. I'm sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind: None of this was my fault.

Fan favourite David Wong takes readers to a whole new level with this blistering sequel to the cult sensation John Dies at the End, now a movie starring Paul Giamatti. As the sequel opens, we find our heroes, David and John, again embroiled in a series of horrifying yet mind-bogglingly ridiculous events caused primarily by their own gross incompetence. The guys find that books and movies about zombies may have triggered a zombie apocalypse, despite a complete lack of zombies in the world. As they race against the clock to protect humanity from its own paranoia, they must ask themselves, who are the real monsters? Actually, that would be the shape-shifting horrors secretly taking over the world behind the scenes that, in the end, make John and Dave kind of wish it had been zombies after all. Hilarious, terrifying, engaging and wrenching, This Book Is Full of Spiders, the next thrilling installment, takes us for a wild ride with two slackers from the midwest who really have better things to do with their time than prevent the apocalypse.

From the writer of the cult sensation John Dies at the End comes another terrifying and hilarious tale of almost Armageddon at the hands of two hopeless heroes.

It's the story "They" don't want you to read. Though, to be fair, "They" are probably right about this one. No, don't put the book back on the shelf--it is now your duty to purchase it to prevent others from reading it. Yes, it works with ebooks, too; I don't have time to explain how.

While investigating a fairly straightforward case of a shape-shifting interdimensional child predator, Dave, John, and Amy realized there might actually be something weird going on. Together, they navigate a diabolically convoluted maze of illusions, lies, and their own incompetence in an attempt to uncover a terrible truth that they - like you - would be better off not knowing. Your first impulse will be to think that a story this gruesome--and, to be frank, stupid--cannot possibly be true. That is precisely the reaction "They" are hoping for.

A heartwarming tale of terror in the middle of the zombie apocalypse.Meet Sarah and David.Once upon a time they met and fell in love. But now they're on the verge of divorce and going to couples' counseling. On a routine trip to their counselor, they notice a few odd things - the lack of cars on the highway, the missing security guard, and the fact that their counselor, Dr. Kelly, is ripping out her previous client's throat.

Meet the Zombies.Now, Sarah and David are fighting for survival in the middle of the zombie apocalypse. But, just because there are zombies, doesn't mean your other problems go away. If the zombies don't eat their brains, they might just kill each other.

Sarah and David have survived the zombie apocalypse. They stood side by side and fought the undead, mad scientists, and even bionic monsters until the unthinkable happened. A zombie bite. But not even that could stop them. Now, with a possible cure in hand, they're headed east, looking for a safe zone behind the rumored 'Wall.' They're feeling pretty optimistic.

That is until Dave stops sleeping and starts lifting huge objects.Eat. Slay. Love.

Because they haven't got a prayer.

The critically acclaimed cult novelist makes visceral the terrors of life in Jim Crow America and its lingering effects in this brilliant and wondrous work of the imagination that melds historical fiction, pulp noir, and Lovecraftian horror and fantasy.

Chicago, 1954. When his father Montrose goes missing, 22-year-old Army veteran Atticus Turner embarks on a road trip to New England to find him, accompanied by his Uncle George--publisher of The Safe Negro Travel Guide--and his childhood friend Letitia. On their journey to the manor of Mr. Braithwhite--heir to the estate that owned one of Atticus's ancestors--they encounter both mundane terrors of white America and malevolent spirits that seem straight out of the weird tales George devours.

At the manor, Atticus discovers his father in chains, held prisoner by a secret cabal named the Order of the Ancient Dawn--led by Samuel Braithwhite and his son Caleb--which has gathered to orchestrate a ritual that shockingly centers on Atticus. And his one hope of salvation may be the seed of his--and the whole Turner clan's--destruction.

A chimerical blend of magic, power, hope, and freedom that stretches across time, touching diverse members of two black families, Lovecraft Country is a devastating kaleidoscopic portrait of racism--the terrifying specter that continues to haunt us today.

Loop me in, odd one. The words, spoken in the deep of night by a sleeping child, chill the young man watching over her. For this was a favorite phrase of Stormy Llewellyn, his lost love. In the haunted halls of the isolated monastery where he had sought peace, Odd Thomas is stalking spirits of an infinitely darker nature.

As he steadfastly journeys toward his mysterious destiny, Odd Thomas has established himself as one of the most beloved and unique fictional heroes of our time. Now, wielding all the power and magic of a master storyteller at the pinnacle of his craft, Dean Koontz follows Odd into a singular new world where he hopes to make a fresh beginning—but where he will meet an adversary as old and inexorable as time itself.

The Businessman presents the sinister tale of Bob Glandier, a morally repulsive Twin Cities executive who murders his estranged wife and attempts to go back to business as usual, until she returns sets about arranging his divine retribution. With help from her dead mother and the ghost of poet John Berryman-thoroughly bored of suburban séances and all too eager to lend a hand-Giselle undertakes the elaborate, righteous, and wickedly amusing haunting of her husband. There is justice in the afterlife after all-at least in Minnesota.

Hugo-winning Novella

The "Laundry" is Britain's super-secret agency devoted to protecting the realm from the supernatural horrors that menace it. Now Bob Howard, Laundry agent, must travel to the quiet English countryside to deal with an outbreak of one of the worst horrors imaginable. For, as it turns out, unicorns are real. They're also ravenous killers from beyond spacetime...

Read this story online for free at Tor.com.

Hugo Award winning novella. It was originally published as an extra in the novel The Atrocity Archives (2004). It can also be found in the anthology Best Short Novels: 2005, edited by Jonathan Strahan.

Read the full story for free at the Golden Gryphon website.

Bob Howard is a computer-hacker desk jockey, who has more than enough trouble keeping up with the endless paperwork he has to do on a daily basis. He should never be called on to do anything remotely heroic. But for some reason, he is.

In the title piece, Alan Turing, the father of modern computer science, completes his theorem on 'Phase Conjugate Grammars for Extra-dimensional Summoning'. Turing's work paves the way for esoteric mathematical computations that, when carried out, have side effects that leak through a channel underlying the structure of the Cosmos. Out there in the multiverse are 'listeners' who can sometimes be coerced into opening gates.

In 1945, Nazi Germany's Ahnenerbe-SS, in an attempt to escape the Allied onslaught, performs just such a summoning on the souls of more than six million. A gate opens to an alternate universe through which the SS move people and material - to live to fight another day. But their summoning brings forth more than the SS have bargained for - an evil, patiently waiting all this time while learning the ways of humans, now poises to lunch on Earth. Secret intelligence agencies, esoteric theorems, Lovecraftian horrors, Middle East terrorist connections, a damsel in distress, and a final battle on the surface of a dying planet round out this story.

Includes the Hugo-award-winning novella "The Concrete Jungle", which can be read for free here.

Bob Howard - a T-shirt wearing computer geek and field agent for the super-secret British government agency The Laundry - must save the world from eldritch horrors, codenamed Jennifer Morgue, in this fast-paced spy thriller. Bob's current mission is to stop the evil Ellis Billington from achieving world domination, but he must overcome obstacles including the Gravedust device, which permits communication with the dead; destiny-entanglement protocol; banishment weapons; and Ramona Random, a lethal but beautiful agent for the U.S. counterpart to The Laundry. Billington plans to raise the eldritch horror Jennifer Morgue from the vasty deeps, and communicate with a dead warrior for the purpose of ruling the world.

Blending physics and applied mathematics with the practice of summoning and demonology, this spy-meets-horror novel will keep sci-fi fans on the edge of their seats.

This volume also includes a bonus story, "Pimpf," featuring The Laundry agent Bob Howard in the world of virtual gaming, as well as an afterword entitled "The Golden Age of Spying."

Computational demonologist Bob Howard is taking a much-needed break from the field to catch up on his filing in The Laundry's archives when a top secret dossier known as The Fuller Memorandum vanishes - along with his boss, who the agency's executives believe stole the file.

Determined to discover exactly what the memorandum contained (and perhaps clear his boss), Bob runs afoul of Russian agents, ancient demons, and the apostles of a hideous faith, who have plans to raise a very unpleasant undead entity known as the Eater of Souls.

Now Bob must use all of his skills to learn the secret of the Fuller Memorandum in order to save the world - and avoid becoming an item on the Eater of Souls' dinner menu...

Bob Howard may be humanity's last hope.

Start praying...

For outstanding heroism in the field (despite himself), computational demonologist Bob Howard is on the fast-track for promotion to management within The Laundry, the super-secret British government agency tasked with defending the realm from occult threats. Assigned to "External Assets," Bob discovers the company-unofficially-employs freelance agents to deal with sensitive situations that may embarrass Queen and Country.

So when Ray Schiller-an American televangelist with the uncanny ability to miraculously heal the ill-becomes uncomfortably close to the Prime Minister, External Assets dispatches the brilliant, beautiful, and entirely unpredictable Persephone Hazard to infiltrate the Golden Promise Ministry and discover why the preacher is so interested in British politics. And it's Bob's job to make sure Persephone doesn't cause an international incident.

But it's a supernatural incident that Bob needs to worry about-a global threat even The Laundry may be unable to clean up...

As a newly appointed junior manager within the Laundry-the clandestine organization responsible for protecting Britain against supernatural threats-Bob Howard is expected to show some initiative to help the agency battle the forces of darkness. But shining a light on things best left in the shadows is the last thing Bob wants to do-especially when those shadows hide an occult parasite spreading a deadly virus.

Traders employed by a merchant bank in London are showing signs of infection-an array of unusual symptoms such as superstrength and -speed, an uncanny talent for mind control, an extreme allergic reaction to sunlight, and an unquenchable thirst for blood. While his department is tangled up in bureaucratic red tape (and Buffy reruns), debating how to stop the rash of vampirism, Bob digs deeper into the bank's history-only to uncover a bloodcurdling conspiracy between men and monsters...

A homebody's worst nightmare!

Three years into her life as a shut-in, vampire Terakomari Gandesblood (Komari for short), awakens to find she's been appointed as a Commander in the Mulnite Imperial Army! The thing is, her new unit consists solely of belligerent ruffians who revolt against their superiors at the slightest hint of weakness. Although Komari hails from a line of vampires as powerful as they are prestigious, her refusal to drink blood has made her the picture of mediocrity--scrawny, un-coordinated, and inept at magic. With the odds stacked against her, will the help of her trusty (and slightly infatuated) maid Vill be enough for this recluse to blunder her way to success? Or will Komari rue the day she ever left the safety of her room?

This means war!

When Komari unintentionally disrespects one of her fellow Crimson Lords, Flöte Mascarail, things escalate until she finds herself pitted against the other generals in a deadly competition where the loser gets fired (read: blown up).Though most of her opponents are as tough as nails, Komari finds an unlikely ally in Sakuna Memoir, a newly appointed Crimson Lord who shares both her timidity and love of reading. If only Vill weren't so jealous! But while all this is playing out, a sinister plot involving the assassination of key politicians in the Empire brews. With so much going on, will this shut-in vampire ever get a moment's peace?!

Can a murderer be a pacifist?

Komari has finally earned a vacation, and she's soaking it all in at a beach resort. That's when Nelia Cunningham, a commander from the Gerra-Aruka Republic, appears before her with an outrageous proposal: Together, they'll take over the world.

At the same time, a commander from the Heavenly Paradise named Karla Amatsu shows up and offers Komari the exact opposite proposition: Together, they'll usher in world peace. Before long, the two nations' clashing agendas drag the whole world into war! Rudely pulled from her summer holiday, Komari holds the key to the conflict in her hands. Without it, the war may never end.

Fresh off her success in the Six Nations War, Komari is invited to the Heavenly Paradise, a Far Eastern nation where cherry blossoms dance in perpetuity. There, she learns that one of her new allies, Karla Amatsu, is participating against her will in a weeklong ritual to determine the next ruler of the country. Always looking to shirk her duties, Komari writes the whole thing off as someone else's problem... until Karla announces that the vampire girl will be assisting her in a battle to the death against the opposing candidate on the final day of the competition! But with multiple foreign parties attempting to influence the outcome of the proceedings and a terrorist plot developing in the background, can these two reluctant commanders really come out on top?!

A hot springs whodunit!

As the Imperial Capital recovers from the rebellion stoked by Inverse Moon, Komari learns that an honors student from the Mulnite Military Academy will be joining her unit as an officer. Esther Claire is kind, considerate, and very excited to be working under the commander she idolizes... but can a straitlaced girl like her really gain the respect of the Seventh Unit's unruly rank and file? Meanwhile, Komari's friends meet in secret to plan her birthday celebration at a hot springs resort in Esther's hometown. But shortly after everyone arrives, a blizzard puts the hotel on lockdown, and a murderer starts killing off the guests one by one! Does Komari have what it takes to find the culprit before she meets a grisly end?

Here comes the bride!

After returning from her hot springs vacation, Komari is immediately thrust into another crisis when Lingzi Ailan, the princess of the Enchanted Lands, shows up at the Mulnite Imperial Palace begging for help. Apparently, the grand chancellor of the Enchanted Lands is in the process of overthrowing the current ruler, and he's forcing Lingzi to marry him to solidify his grasp on power. Sympathetic to Lingzi's plight, Komari agrees to travel to the girl's homeland to help break off her marriage. There's just one catch--the only way Komari can get the public to accept the cancelation of the wedding is to pass herself off as Lingzi's true love! But in the background of the grand chancellor's coup, something terrifying is brewing...

From the creators of the wildly popular Welcome to Night Vale podcast comes an imaginative mystery of appearances and disappearances that is also a poignant look at the ways in which we all struggle to find ourselves...no matter where we live.

"Hypnotic and darkly funny.... Belongs to a particular strain of American gothic that encompasses The Twilight Zone, Stephen King and Twin Peaks, with a bit of Tremors thrown in."--The Guardian

Located in a nameless desert somewhere in the great American Southwest, Night Vale is a small town where ghosts, angels, aliens, and government conspiracies are all commonplace parts of everyday life. It is here that the lives of two women, with two mysteries, will converge.

Nineteen-year-old Night Vale pawn shop owner Jackie Fierro is given a paper marked "KING CITY" by a mysterious man in a tan jacket holding a deer skin suitcase. Everything about him and his paper unsettles her, especially the fact that she can't seem to get the paper to leave her hand, and that no one who meets this man can remember anything about him. Jackie is determined to uncover the mystery of King City and the man in the tan jacket before she herself unravels.

Night Vale PTA treasurer Diane Crayton's son, Josh, is moody and also a shape shifter. And lately Diane's started to see her son's father everywhere she goes, looking the same as the day he left years earlier, when they were both teenagers. Josh, looking different every time Diane sees him, shows a stronger and stronger interest in his estranged father, leading to a disaster Diane can see coming, even as she is helpless to prevent it.

Diane's search to reconnect with her son and Jackie's search for her former routine life collide as they find themselves coming back to two words: "KING CITY". It is King City that holds the key to both of their mysteries, and their futures...if they can ever find it.

A vampiric romantic comedy...?

After a lifetime of hardship due to a curse placed on him by his grandfather, all Ryouta wants is to be left alone. However, when he wanders into the mountains to find some peace and quiet, instead he finds a town taken over by vampires! To make matters worse, one of its residents, a haughty (and rather eccentric) girl, soon sets her sights on him with the goal of making him her servant. Now, Ryouta has a choice to make-escape back to his old life in Japan or live out his days as the minion of Shiren Fuyukura in the quirky town of Akinomiya.

Nothing like a little sibling rivalry!

Women want him! Men want to beat him! And Ryouta just wants two minutes to himself... But there's little chance of that happening while he's cursed to be irresistible to the opposite sex-especially when two of the girls fighting over him are Ouka, the ruler of the Sacred Blood Empire, and her little sister, Shiren! What ever happened to the Sacred Blooded being immune to the curse?! ...And why is Shiren such a terrible student? While she's busy trying to improve her grades, Ouka has no trouble swooping in and snatching Ryouta away! Is Shiren in danger of losing her minion to his childhood crush?!

Tamaki's big chance!

An upcoming autumn festival has everyone excited--most of all girls like Shiren and Tamaki, who can't wait to show Ryouta how great they look in yukata. However, things take an unfortunate turn for poor Tamaki (surprise, surprise) when her family's convenience store is robbed, leaving her short on cash to buy the perfect outfit! Looks like she'll have to work during the festival to earn the money--but what's this? Ryouta volunteered to help her with the job?! Could this be a fated opportunity for the ever-unlucky Tamaki? It certainly seems that way, but not everyone is keen on the two winding up together...

A date with... Sasara?!

When Sasara suddenly finds herself in marriage talks with another noble, the only way out is to find a different potential mate--and Ryouta, who can't stand seeing someone in need, volunteers for the role. Unfortunately, this means he'll have to defeat a swordsman in a duel and trick Sasara's parents into believing he and and their daughter are really dating--and neither looks likely. Will Ryouta have to get engaged just to help his friend?!

One minion... Two masters?!

Diplomatic relations between Japan and the Sacred Blood Empire are stabilizing, and the news has taken the vampire community by storm. Meanwhile, something strange is happening to Ryouta--he's transforming into a minion! It turns out that Archbishop Alfoncina's prayer for his safety had some serious side effects, and they can only be cured with an herbal remedy sold exclusively in Japan. As luck would have it, the archbishop was already planning on traveling there for business, so she invites Ryouta to tag along. Needless to say, some people are none too pleased with the arrangement...

A Big Decision for Shiren...

Shiren receives a letter from her mother promising to whisk her away so the two can start a new life together back in Japan. The thing is, her mother is a wanted criminal in the empire, and now she's taken control of the Virginal Father! Despite her vocal refusals, Shiren may be more tempted by this offer than she's letting on... Meanwhile, Ouka surprises everyone with a dramatic proposal for Ryouta should Shiren change her mind.

Shiren has left the Sacred Blood Empire--and Ryouta--to become Emperor of the newly founded Holy Sacred Blood Empire! With her sister out of the way, Ouka takes the chance to make Ryouta her minion, and he begins a new life without Shiren. Shiren, on the other hand, is living in the lap of luxury, but is this what she really wants?

The boy-meets-vampire girl comedy draws to a close in this final volume.